‘Every day was hell on earth’: Marieval survivor shares his story

For Marieval Indian Residential School survivor Robert Kakakaway, every day at the school was a nightmare.

“From Day 1 until my final day there on June 30, 1966, every day was hell on earth, that’s what it was,” Kakakaway said. “Not being able to be with my mom and my dad, my grandparents, my home, like, why was I being punished for something I didn’t do? It was wrong.

“I was lonesome, I was scared, I was crying. I didn’t know what to do. I didn’t know what was happening to me.”

In September of 1960, Kakakaway was taken to Marieval Indian Residential School. For six years, he lived inside the school’s walls.

Kakakaway shared some of his story with 980 CJME after Cowessess First Nation found 751 unmarked graves at the former site of Marieval Indian Residential School.

“My initial reaction was shock,” Kakakaway said. “I wanted to go to a place of anger but I turned to my smudge and I prayed, and had a good cry and then I let it go.”

Robert Kakakaway during his school days. (Submitted)

Kakakaway remembered there were always whispers about children going missing, but they chose to keep quiet.

“It was very well hidden,” Kakakaway said. “There were rumours. A lot of us were afraid to even mention it to anyone in authority at the school because we would have got punished for talking like that about the servants of the Lord. So I heard things but didn’t pass anything on.”

Two generations of Kakakaways attended residential schools. Robert’s father and grandfather also heard about children disappearing.

“I heard things about how some children ran away but they were never returned back to the student population,” Kakakaway recalled. “I myself, when I went, did see people running away. Some were brought back and punished, some I never heard from again. So I don’t know if they made it home safely or if something happened to them.

“Maybe some of them are from my dad’s time, or even my grandparents’ time. Maybe some of these runaways were actually put in these unmarked graves.”

On his first day at Marieval, Kakakaway had his first encounter with a nun.

“I had never seen anyone like this before,” Kakakaway said. “I thought it was a ghost. It was something that was very, very scary.”

He went further to describe some of the abuse that took place.

“I played in a rhythm band and I got hit over the head with a set of keys (by one of the nuns) for making a mistake in music class,” Kakakaway said. “I was punished on numerous occasions where I was slapped (or) hit (or) I was sent to kneel in a corner. I saw many students going through the same punishment.”

One interaction Kakakaway witnessed is engraved in his memory.

“I saw an older boy getting a strapping inside the playroom by (one of the priests) who whipped him on each hand about 15 times,” Kakakaway recalled.

“His hands were just red and swollen, and this was also common practice for some of the older students by Mr. Lang, who is the principal of the block, or higher students. They say he kept a strap in his desk and had a wooden handle for a better grip.”

Kakakaway explained that he and other students saw this behaviour as normal.

“These kinds of things we learned to accept,” Kakakaway said. “I thought it was normal for all students to go to schools and be punished this way for being who we are, for being First Nations.

“It wasn’t until many years later I realized that it was wrong.”

While at the school, Kakakaway began writing down his daily accounts which includes his experiences along with names of his teachers, supervisors, nuns and classmates. That turned into a book called “Thou Shalt Not Be Indian,” which takes a reader on Kakakaway’s personal journey.

He began writing so his own children would have a document to read about what happened to him and many others.

One day, he hope his books will be in school curriculums all across Canada, and teach students about what it was like to grow up in a residential school.

“My heart goes out to Cowessess First Nation, Chief Cadmus Delorme, the councillors, the elders, the survivors, and the family members who are going through this trauma, again, and reliving,” he said.

“I guess, in a sense, (this is) comparing our loss to Remembrance Day, where so many of our soldiers went overseas, and were buried overseas, and now we remember them on Nov. 11 as Remembrance Day. Well, I do think that our survivors should also be remembered for their loss as well.

“It should be a specific day set aside to honour all that we have given up (and) all that we have lost over the past.”